I hate going to the doctor, but The Sickness demands attention. We're going on three weeks of symptoms, and I don't know about you, but I feel like that's about 20 days too many.

Insert your own jokes here: my newest symptom is trouble swallowing.

To make myself feel better, I have temporarily invented a relationship with a celebrity in my fever-ravaged brain. Here, let me play it out for you as the super-hot Henry Cavill nurses me back to health:

I know, Henry, that's pretty obvious. Sadly I'm not feeling well right now.

Aren't you sweet, thank you.

I don't know, it's a genetic gift, I suppose. You're pretty too.

Oh, Henry, I'll try.


Admittedly, I do feel a little better after that whirlwind romance.