Okay, I do, but it's not that interesting. My knees went to hell. My job got a little untenable. Some other things happened. I got a new job.
Long story short, guess what? I've decided it really is time to start blogging again.
Yes, we are. Just because I've been inconsistent and and little absent doesn't mean that blog won't be fabulous. Just shut up and be pretty.
Yes, exactly, thank you. Now back to me.
I made the decision, after 20+ years of internal wrangling, and worried that I'll never be considered a "real writer" and trying and trying and trying and failing and trying again, that I'm going to self-publish one my books.
Hey this is big deal for me. All I have ever wanted is to be a published author. I want to be able to go into a bookstore and pick up my book off the shelf. And in a way, going with self-publishing feels a little disappointing. Like I didn't work hard enough or write well enough to be one of the cool kids who get to live that particular dream. Even though I know how long I've worked my book, how much I've done in pursuit of my goal.
Honestly, I had to change the entire way I thought about my writing just to decide yes, I was going to dive into the world of self-publishing. I realized that I wasn't doing myself any favors by holding out vague hopes for traditionally publishing this particular project. I'm going to finish up the edits on the book and get it out in the world. And I'm going to do everything I can to make the book incredible.
Then, I'm going to write something else.
A few somethings actually. I have this great idea about a wicked witch solving mysteries and this other one about a woman living through an invasion and...
Hush. I'll get to it.
I'm going to ramble a bit here, but I promise it's all part of the same line (or big, wibbley-wobbly ball) of thinking. And that word, focus is exactly at the center of my decision to to self-publish. Follow me here:
When I look back over everything I've written, I can see a lack of focus. I think for a long time I didn't know what I wanted to write about, really. Because I always want to write about everything. I want to write young adult books that make girls cry and serious literary pieces about obscure characters from the far corners of history and...
First of all, that character is a demon, not a vampire, and despite my intentions, not actually a lesbian. And secondly... yeah, I was just having fun with that. And it came out awesome. I have plans for that book. Sequels to write. But that's not what we're talking about, Joseph. Let's get back to business.
The book I am going to self-publish is a young adult novel called "Smashing." I've been working on it for a long, long time. Nine years, off-and-on. It's the book I always thought was my gateway into success. It's a project I have loved very, very deeply. Almost reverently.
But a funny thing happened during those nine years. A little while ago, I think I feel out of love with the idea of writing YA lit. My brain stopped going to young narrators with existential anguish and a desire to tell me about their first loves. I found other things I wanted to write, more fantasy-oriented lit. Magic and aliens, witches, demons, and ghosts. Those kinds of stories are currently jumping around in my head. And that's awesome, because, I feel like I finally have a focus.
Yet, I want something to show for all of the effort I put into Smashing. I want to say, "see, all those workshops I went to with this manuscript and the writer's groups I worked with, and those classes I took to make this book, they paid off." I want to have something I can point to and be proud to have done. Shutting the book away in a drawer as a "lesson learned," about what I really want to write is for... a century without the ability to easily self-publish. I believe in this book. It's really good. And I want it out in the world.
So now I'm in the research and development phase of self-publishing. I am researching my options for how to get it out there and developing them by spending great gobs of money. Because despite the idea that I could click a few buttons and put my work out there "for free," self-publishing is big business. The costs of editors and graphic designers and book designers add up fast.
Because of course I can't half-ass it into the world of self-publishing. I'm jumping into the deep-end. And that means I'm going to do everything I can to promote it, including writing this blog.
I know, right?
Anyhow, so, stay tuned to this recently revived blog for more updates, especially as I get closer to publishing the book. It's kind of big deal, and I'm genuinely excited for it.
