I've been thinking I need to do something with this blog. Successful blogs offer readers something - recipes, advice, hijacked celebrity cell phone photos (stupid, but we'll get to that later). Something besides the trivial minutia of their horribly uninteresting life. So I started to think of the things I'm good at and what I could offer the world.

And then I realized that those things aren't really going to work. For example, I know oodles about the publishing industry, but I can't offer any advice, as I have yet to join the elusive club of published authors. Therefore, I have absolutely no credibility.

Similarly, I'm a pretty damn good amateur. baker However, somehow the idea of sharing what I bake just seemed like a one way ticket to an even fatter ass. I don't want that. Also, I usually just steal my recipes from other baking bloggers anyway, so that idea is just no good all around.

But I must have something, right? I'm an intelligent woman. I have stuff to say and a decent way to say it. And then I realized - my greatest talent is being an insufferable know-it-all. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to use that talent to solve all the problems ever!* 

(Sometimes.I might get bored and forget. For now let's go with it.)

I've had this horribly bitter rant building about how terribly rude people are these days. Society at large is like sick, sad storm of rudeness. Bad dates who check a phone every three seconds like they're waiting for a kidney transplant. People who quote what celebrities wrote on Twitter as if it were an actual conversation they joined.** People who use Facebook to pout in cryptic and passive-aggressive fashion. Anyone who assumes that because they decided to pay attention, things must happen on-demand. I can't take it any more.

This is my multi-pronged solution:

Part One: The part where people learn manners.
Everyone gets a few basic lessons in manners. Phone etiquette. Table manners. How to politely disagree with someone. Why you shouldn't stop to have a conversation in the middle of the crowded hallway. And, most importantly, basic hygiene (it is rude to be smelly). Far too many adults have no idea how to act in this world.

Part Two: The part where we stop telling people they're special.
This is part personal philosophy, part practical, so let me just get it out of the way: You're not special. You may be a wonderful person. You may be warm and giving and have birds following you everywhere singing love songs, but you are just a person. You don't really matter that much when you consider the universe as a whole. Sure, I think it's really funny for me to tell people how special and important I am, but a good deal of the humor in that is simply because I know it isn't really true. I think the best anyone can do is to try and be warm and wonderful to the people around them and get on with their lives. Thinking you're special, that the rules don't apply to you is unbelievably rude.


Part Three: The part where if you are rude, you pay.
Any solution for fixing a problem has to come with consequences for those who don't follow the new rules.  Consequences must be such that they are worth avoiding. From what I can tell two things motivate people, sex and money. Therefore, I propose if you're rude, you're cut off.  Want to keep both? Stop acting like an entitled little bitch.


See, don't you feel better about the world now that there's a solution available? I know I do.

* Okay, not ALL the problems. I'm good, but come on.
** I admit, that may be more stupid than rude. Maybe I'll just say it's rude to be so stupid.