I just got back from the Bahamas, specifically, the Atlantis resort on Paradise Island. All in all, it was great vacation, it just got off to a rough start. And had a small, somewhat significant bump in the middle. But over all, believe me, I don't regret it at all. Was it worth the price? Uhmmm, jury is still out. Still, on the scale of one to awesome, this falls significantly in the "oh my god I just saw a boy band" category (that's good).
Way back when, I had planned to take my fat ass to Scotland this year to go on ghost tours. Specifically, the cheesier, the more improbable, the better. But, it was not to be. First of all, when I knew I could go, money-wise, I couldn't get the vacation time. And then, the friend I planned to travel with had a wedding in the Bahamas come up. And two trips in one year, not possible. So she suggested I go along with her to the Atlantis Resort.
I love TV, so, naturally, I knew all about this place from that holy messenger of pop culture, commercials. It looked warm, tropical, and like a vacation should. So I agreed.
Some planning, some excellent flight finding (if I do say so myself), a few changes of plans, and then, tada, we finally arrived.
Well, sort of....
First, I ended up in the Emergency Room. I took two of my cousins to Six Flags. Ten minutes away, I started to get car sick. By the time we got in line, made it through the turnstiles and into the park itself, I was in rough shape. Seriously, like I couldn't catch my breath because I was just in pain. I was exhausted and hot and dehydrated, I guess, but mostly, just Bad News Bears.
So the only ride I got that day was in the ambulance. An IV connection in my arm, a dozen leads for a heart monitor stuck to me, but hooked up to neither IV nor heart monitor, I was dropped in a waiting room, and, uhm, left there. 4 hours, a nap in a wheelchair, and a bottle of orange PowerAide later, my family came to rescue me (and get the kids out Six Flags). I hadn't been seen, but, mysteriously, was feeling a lot better. A nap and some electrolytes will do that, I suppose. And since there was no sign that I was going to be seen anytime soon, I decided to go.
I was still in pain, but, another 4 hour nap at home, and that pain was a whole lot less. So I decided to risk it and head to the Bahamas next morning as planned (after some late night packing).
Sure enough, by 6 a.m., I was just fine.
Two flights and a sketchy cab ride later, we arrived. We checked in rather painlessly. And then....
Found the grossest hotel room ever.
Old takeout containers littered the tables, piles of sheets and towels were everywhere, garbage, and a random old shoe. Erin took pictures, so if she posts them somewhere, I'll snag them. Just picture a crack house shoved inside of a hotel room with an ocean view.
Yeah, it was that bad.
One angry, much transferred call to the housekeeping later I got this response: "Why'd they put you in that room? It says right here it's dirty!"
Which meant a trip to the concierge desk. Thankfully, the woman at the desk went up to the room with us and saw the mess. She offered us a generous credit toward our room, and switched us to a room with a view of... the roof. You could see the ocean, but just a sliver of it. Mostly, just a roof. But it was clean, and pretty comfortable, so, we agreed to stay there with the idea that we would switch the next afternoon to a room with an ocean view.
We ended up with a view of the whole freaking place, including the ocean. It was amazing. Like, at one point I stood on the balcony and just said out loud, "How did I end up here?" We over looked the sting ray pool, so one morning I sat there and drank coffee and watched them swim. It was awesome. I mean, I sweat my boobs off, but it was one hell of a view.
I tagged along to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding with Erin. It was a beautiful wedding. Outdoors, near the ocean with a backdrop of archways from an old cloister. In the sunshine (no shade). In August. In the Caribbean. I have not sweat that much, ever. And I'm a sweaty girl. Thankfully, I bought an ugly pink hat that kept the worst of the sun off of me. But Little Baby Jesus as my witness, it was hot. (Also, the bride's dress/hair/makeup and choice in bridesmaid dresses all get an A+ for exceptional taste).
The reception was, again, outside in August, but so much fun. Honestly. I was honored to be invited, and it was a heck of a party. The Bahama Mamas were plentiful. (Note to self: no more Bahama Mamas. My stomach and that much fruit juice and alcohol do not mix!). The dancing was a blast. And they had a mashed potato bar. In martini glasses! Food is infinitely more fun when served in fun glassware. It's a fact.
The Atlantis is so big I didn't even get to 1/2 of it in the 4 days I was there. I didn't swim with dolphins or even ride the water slides. I sat by the pool. And floated in the lazy river. And drank frozen, fruity things. And walked and walked and walked and walked.
And I got dragged along the bottom of the rapid river, lost my glasses and was pretty sure I was going to emerge from said water feature both blind and naked.
Yeah, it was not my finest moment.
The rapid river ride is so much fun. Until the point where I was upended from my tub, dragged along the cement bottom by the current, gasping for breath, and absolutely sure my suit was going to be ripped to shreds, I was giggling and having a great time. But damn, that ending was painful.
I stopped by a lifeguard who told me my glasses would just "float by," but of course they didn't. I was hard-core panicking at this point. I had no back up pair. Some nice person I spoke with while fumbling my way out of the pool pointed me toward the towel hut, where I was able to freak out about not having my glasses. They were in the process of getting someone to swim the river and look for them, when Erin emerged from the fog (my own, it was perfectly sunny out), with my glasses in hand. Someone had found them, and Erin, having seen me standing by the lifeguard stand in the middle of my freak-out, knew they were mine.
Crisis averted. My swimsuit, if not my dignity, was in tact. Glasses a little more scratched then they were before, but I needed new ones anyway. My elbow is the only other evidence of my tangle with the rapid river ride. It's sore and has a little red oval scratch. Otherwise, no damage.
Little hiccups like this one didn't ruin my vacation. In fact, in retrospect, I find it pretty funny. I mean, at the time I was a mess, but now, the whole image just makes me laugh. It was otherwise, a peaceful, lovely vacation, with a friend who did not annoy me.
Ability to travel with a friend is always key. Sometimes, travel can make or break a friendship (think, Brenda and Kelly from 90210 in France). Don't do it right, and someone is putting on a fake French accent and boozing it up with a 90s pretty boy. You don't want that.
After 4 days it was time to go home. It wasn't really hard to leave because it began to rain Monday morning, and there's significantly less to do in the rain. And frankly, paying less than $3 for coffee again was something of a relief.
I don't take pictures, so here's some stock photos I stole from the internet to give you an idea of where I was:
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